Written June 4, 2011 at the Not Quite Ready for The Bucket List Mobile Home Park
The yard that I fenced at great cost and with much exasperation for our aged 11 year old Yellow Lab mix is going totally unused. The dog who NEVER wanted to be inside now never wants to go outside and has decided that the bathroom of the master bedroom is her den. Even deflating her airbed is not discouraging her from making it her den. Mind you, I no longer have my own den due to downsizing but she does and now she is there to greet me at all hours of the day and especially night with her sunny disposition, beautiful face, and melt-your heart eyes.
Aaarrrgh. Beautiful but not all day and night. If you have ever owned a Lab or know someone who has they shed enough each day to make a replica of themselves. Only it is not a standing one, the hair is everywhere. There is not a vacuum strong enough, a pet broom sturdy enough or a lint remover sticky tape sticky enough to get it all or if there is the sticky stuff is not sold like yardage and that is what it would take--5x7 feet pieces might begin to pick up all the hair. Even dust bunnies do not stand a chance against this invading army of dog hair. (The bunnies remain a tiny minority hiding under the bed and hoping to one day expand to their once-owned territory so they bivouac and making battle plans in dark corners.)
Rascal is now shedding her winter coat and it is coming out by the handsful. If my spinning wheel was working, and I so desired, I could spin enough yarn to make an afghan, several sweaters, some hats with ear flaps, and I could probably also make socks for a small third world army.
At our other house, since she was outside most of the time--her choice mind you--the hair could be swept, hosed or blown off the patio. From there, it disappeared into nature providing enough bird nest liner for the entire bird population of San Juan Capistrano. I don’t know if the Swallows used it, but I’m sure if they did it made great adobe homes for them.
Furthermore, it’s not just shedding that she does. It’s passive aggressive shedding. She cannot enter a room or even be in the same room with anyone without rubbing up against them leaving a large patch of clingy, pretty yellow, almost white hair. Now, anything a person is wearing, in my case usually dark jeans, is covered. Now, I have to get out the lint roller again before I can leave the house looking even passably decent.
“Why don’t you brush her”, I hear you asking.
Look, I am on a shortened routine for my own brushing. I barely have the time to do other things such as look for Waldo, re-re-remake my mammogram appointment, get my teeth cleaned, follow up on following up, make sure everyone else is doing what they should be doing (my way hopefully) and teaching the parrot to say “you look great.” If I were a really organized person, I probably would find a way to drop my daughter off for her pedicure, my husband off for his haircut or the other way around and my dog off at the groomers, stop by the recycle bottles and cans place, donate blood, go bird watching and come back just in time to pick them all up.
So I hear you saying to yourself, “Yeah, I get it her dog sheds a lot...so what?” Well, there is more...
Today, I realized something as I threw a half a box of cling-frees into my clothes dryer. The hair everywhere is a metaphor for my life at this time. Having just moved there is stuff everywhere. Were it not for gravity, it would be floating through the house just like the dog hair. It all is very annoying. Things that I want to shake off and leave behind such as annoying neighbors, annoying habits especially of others, items from to do lists from June last year, things I cannot possibly bear to part with like National Geographic’s and Elvis Impersonator albums cling to me like dog hair and target me on seek and destroy missions.
Today we moved--once again--the boxes we brought to the mobile home from storage just two weeks ago back to storage today--rented the truck, paid someone to help and hoped to God that we shed some of our belongings before the $1 month storage rental increases to $1000 or perhaps lower but just as ridiculous a sum. The reason we had to do that was because (whiny voice) we had to have a three foot clearance along the side of the mobile home all the way to the very ugly and horribly inconveniently placed utility meters. When I heard this after all that we have gone through in this move it was too much and I just went to bed for the day and left it to my dear husband to figure out and pay for.
This additional inconvenience confirms my suspicion that we ARE living on Indian burial ground and the residents of the park are zombies and it is true that no one leaves this park alive and if you want evidence they post the passing of neighbors on the white board at the club house along with the Bingo schedule!
It was Dora and Fred (not related) who died last week. I wish my husband still had his real-estate license. Sales are good in the park. He’d have to keep a lint brush by the door and in his car though. He’s also living with black pants in a white dog world.
