All God's Creatures

Previously printed in the Anthology She Writes which was published March 2011 by Windflower Press.  http://www.windflowerpress.com/

I like to think that I have a “live and let live” attitude toward life in general and that comes to little lives too.

However, if you are a fly or a spider or a damsel fly and I open the door for you and invite you back outside, I shouldn’t have to ask twice.

I have been known to capture a small critter, especially spiders in a jar, and throw them outside. I’m always surprised they make a sound when they land. If I’m upstairs they are on their own ‘cause I’m not doing the stairs for a spider and all the windows have screens.

I ought to mention here that the only thing I dislike more than uninvited guests is uninvited-guest poison spray. For pity sake, we walk on that floor too!

Lately, we have had more flies than the Amityville house. Reason tells me that they are coming in through the sliders having hatched over at the horse stables. Clearly, they considered themselves too good to hang out for long there and come looking for more refined accommodations. They seem to really enjoy the patio and the patio set with the umbrella covered table. It’s like a little Meet-Up place for them.

You have a chance inviting one fly to leave but when they get that mob mentality it’s a whole ‘nother story. So, I went to get some natural, doesn’t-harm-children-or-pets flying insect spray. It does seem to help them fly and they may do a loop through the mist that’s quite impressive but not the effect I hoped for. I have children, dogs, a parrot, a guinea pig and a husband to consider so I can’t use anything stronger. And everyone complains about the spray’s smell.

I just haven’t figured out how to explain all this to real people type guests. I don’t mean the children’s behavior, I mean the bugs. Sometimes--I have to admit—it’s all out warfare and I want you to know that I do not send them on their heavenly journey without a little prayer or at least a “go see God.”

There is a creek behind our house. We hear coyotes and see them too, rabbits and skunks and raccoons. Recently, I asked a neighbor about the punishing tree trimming taking place next to her house and she told me that the raccoons were climbing the tree onto the roof and staring at her children through the bedroom windows on the second floor and scaring them. That’s a twist on the children who stare out.

Every summer there is a portion of the creek area that gets mowed when the grass turns brown. This is a signal for the mice to pack their little bags and head north ahead of the oncoming scythe. If they can make it alive across the street, and they all seem to, they must see a little sign on my back fence that says “kind woman leaves water and dog food free for the taking.” They really like the Kirkland’s lamb and rice.

These mice are not like any others I have ever seen. They have Dumbo ears set low on their heads. Are they mutants? I don’t know. It does raise the question of the well water quality in my mind.

Their presence in the house was the last straw. I went down to Denault’s hardware and bought the strongest rodent killing poison cakes I could find. I placed them in strategic locations around the kitchen including in the cabinet under the sink. I forgot my daughter thought it was clever to teach our dogs to open doors. One day I come home to find a gnawed poison cake on the stairs.

My husband had passed by it earlier and “wondered” what it was. He has his own philosophy about don’t ask, don’t tell. Don’t ask if this wool sweater can go in the washer. Don’t tell that I used your best bath towel to clean up a grape juice spill. Don’t mention that son fell off his bike, chipped a tooth and now has a severe headache. He thinks this philosophy will keep him from getting yelled at but he is sooooo wrong.

Did I say that I have three small dogs--any one of which could be the rat-poison chewing cupboard door opening culprit? I called the vet and he told me to bring them down right away. I stuffed them all into a small dog crate. You can do that with Chihuahuas and I took them down. I apologized to them for what was about to happen. Two of them were innocent, I was sure. My dogs were fine. The vet was happy to tell me that he thought he got everything up from their stomachs even carrots. They do like raw carrots. It was only $150 for that information and a few more days of careful watching.

I did not relent in my waged war on Rodentville. I just made sure that the poison biscuits were well out of reach of my pets. The mice obliged me by eating the stuff and not chewing through the dishwasher water line like they did once before prompting a service call expense and leaking under the sink. In the all out battle they have gotten their licks in too. My husband was then able to bring his one unsprung mouse trap down from the attic.

You know writing about this has raised my ire. This is my house dammit. They can all go find their own places to live. I just wish they weren’t so darn cute then I could live without guilt for the sometimes unavoidable chemical warfare.

The insects are not cute but still they are all God’s creatures so they will get at least one invitation to leave with the door held open before they are dearly departed. For that I am sorry but they can’t cross my path and live here for long. I do hope my now adult age children take note.