After All It's Just a Fence

Note: This is out of sequence time-wise and happened earlier in our move but is still very much on my mind and still applies.

I have to face the fact that I have been a big whiner. It’s not an attractive trait and I am as self-conscious of it right now as I would be of a volcano size zit on the end of my nose.

I have been trying to get a fence built at my house for a couple of weeks now. No progress. The fence had to go up because we moved the dog. Then we had to change contractors. There was quite a bit of unpleasantness surrounding the whole fence building thing. I want to mention here that after all the trouble and money Rascal still won’t stay in the yard. We are going to see if beer works for her.

I have been trying to get flooring in. No progress. I have been trying to get unpacked from moving...more of the same...no progress. Moving is like being caught in an avalanche and calling for more snow. And now I understand what people who remodel go through because nothing is simple.

Everyone is specialized. Flooring people don’t do edge molding on the floor. Reupholsters don’t do wood refinishing. Movers are the only ones who move everything including I’m told packing up the garbage or in the case of our last move my friends shoes from the bedroom floor. She had to go home barefoot.

I have no TV, no land line, my accounts have disappeared with the closing of our internet account by our provider on their end. I can’t even get my blog back under my own name. I have been wearing the same limited wardrobe out of my suitcase for the last two weeks. My life is chaos. And there I go again more whining. And I am painfully aware of doing it.

I try to be evolved as a human being, honestly I do. It’s just that it is such a struggle sometimes. I even went to a class in Buddhism and I fell asleep meditating and it was only the snoring of a fellow meditator that kept me from falling off my chair completely.

My “Life is beautiful, I love you” side struggles with my “F-you, go to hell” side. The latter mostly manifests itself while driving. I bet we have the highest rate of road rage in the country.

I like feeling loving and warm and fuzzy and huggy toward everyone. But life frustrates me sooooo much. I can’t even type sooooo without a spell check reminder pointing out my deliberate spelling error—just another frustration.

I tell myself “It’s just a fence not yet built.” “It’s just carpet the dog chewed up and mini-blinds she bent.” “It’s just sleep I’m losing because daughter fell out of bed in the middle of the night and hurt her arm.”

None of those things or the accumulation of them should drive me to the point of irrationally yelling at my husband that I was leaving to drive to Alaska to charge my cell phone in my car and I wasn’t coming back! And it was just because he locked the bathroom door while he was showering and my phone was charging in there and I couldn’t get it. That was totally stupid. I should have said Florida because it’s too damn cold in Alaska.

But I have to stop whining really I do. The only thing that matters is the love we have for our friends and family. This was made painfully clear to me today when I sent a whiny, albeit funny, e-mail to a friend.

Her reply e-mail informed me of the sudden death of her husband in an accident.

My heart stopped for more than a moment. It was one of those instances that remind me that life is precious...even with all its frustrations and chaos and crises.

ALL that really matters is the love of family and friends and trying to find at least one joyful moment each day. It is after all just a fence...